The phrase “for sale, but not on sale” can be commonly seen in the practice of buying or selling, especially pertaining to livestock. The seller believes whole heartedly in the value of their animal, and is willing to wait for the right person to see the same value they do. But how often do we do the same for ourselves? How often do we undervalue ourselves or let others actions or words determine our value? I have struggled immensely with this during this stage of my life. I am in the learning curve when it comes to so many things, especially my job and my marriage. It has been far too easy to drive home with tears streaming down my face, believing I am a total failure. If this were my path in life it shouldn’t be so hard. I have listened to those around me tell me that I “just need to grow a thicker skin”. Those same people are also generally the ones who discount the amount of work I do to help on the ranch or cow camp, as they determine my town job merits that I only help “sometimes” right? I have let those people make me think that I am not worthy of being a cowgirl, a vet tech, a wife, a writer, the list goes on. But as I was talking to a dear friend in a similar season of life, I realized that not only am I not alone, but I need to do something for myself and others far more than just growing a thicker skin. I think that instead of a thicker skin, which often leads us down a path of bitterness and loss of self worth, I believe we need to recognize our value and hold onto it tightly. Last summer was my first summer up at cow camp and to say that it was easy would be an outright lie. I got to spend each day with my husband which was what I had always wanted, but there was so much I didn’t know. I was in his world 24/7 and trying my best to learn things that most learn at a young age because they take years to master. At the beginning of the summer, I was only brave enough to heel for Joe. When we went to brandings I honestly didn’t catch very many. How could I be so terrible at something I was trying so hard at? As soon as I felt confident enough to try something else and head a big angry cow for him or trailer load yearling, there was always something more I didn’t know. It felt like I was sliding downhill. No matter how much I learned., there was still an infinite amount more that I needed to know. When I got a job once a week in town to have something for myself, I noticed that people seemed to think that because of that I was only there “sometimes”. Even members of the association would ask if I helped Joe every now and then up there. I remember thinking I’m up here six days a week, how can I only be with him sometimes? I ride the 15-30 miles a day with him, get bucked off by sassy colts, and still make us dinner upon our return, ok maybe after a beer. It was hard for me to believe that they could casually discount me so easily, but that seems to be all too common for women in agriculture. I think we could be out there every single day, 365 days a year, and there would still be comments made such as “oh you help your husband?” It can be hard when you know that you see eachother as equal. It takes both of you, even if it’s in different ways or with certain skills.. It can be extremely hard to keep going at times because many people don’t see your worth to your job, your relationship or whatever situation you might be in. I started my job as a vet tech last fall and aside from cow camp that has been the single most humbling experience for me. Veterinary medicine is a whole different world. As my boss often says their training is “drinking from a fire hose”, you learn on the job. It can be easy to let comments made by your coworkers make you feel inferior. Even if they know you are trying your best and learning, there will still be times that despite this, you will feel you aren’t meant for the job. There is one day in particular that made me genuinely want to share this with you. It was the second surgery I’ve ever assisted with as the only tech. I went to put in the catheter and the doctor grabbed the scalpel from my hand, telling me what I was about to do is wrong. I had put in catheters before, so I was confused because I didn’t think I had done anything that I shouldn’t have. This proceeded to happen with each step of the process, to the point I couldn’t even remember how to put one in, even though I knew exactly how. I was shaking and tried to keep my composure. In the process of unhooking the calf from his oxygen the doctor told me to switch and hold the calf’s back legs. I waited to make sure he had the calf’s head, but he told me to hurry up and let go, so I did. He angrily told me that was not ideal as we laid the calf on the ground to wake him up from his sedation. I remember standing there fighting back tears wondering how I could be so stupid to think I could be a tech, I couldn’t even do a simple IV or oxygen on my own. On top of that, I didn’t even do things right when I followed directions. I have a college degree but why am I not smart enough to do even these simple tasks correctly? In seasons of your life when you feel unappreciated, unqualified, and quite frankly not good enough, don’t get a thicker skin. Thinking and saying that only makes what happened or what someone did/said to you seem like an exaggeration. I want you to know it is ok to be upset when someone treats you badly, when you make mistakes, or when you feel ashamed. What is not ok is hardening your heart, letting others treat you inappropriately because “I need to be tougher right” or diminishing your own self worth because of someone else’s view of you.
YOU and God himself are the only ones that get to determine your value and self worth. What if instead of allowing ourselves to free fall into the lie that we are unfit for things in our lives, we build ourselves up. We can do little things every single day to encourage not only ourselves, but others around us that we ARE worthy and we ARE valued. What we do every single minute is important, no matter how big or small that task is. It is ok to politely stand up for yourself and say “I am trying my best, what can I do to make this work?” It is ok to accidently leave a gate open, and calmly grab the runaway bull with a smile on your face because we all make mistakes. It is ok to burn the cookies you made for riders and bring them anyway because coffee cookies! Most importantly, it is ok without a shadow of a doubt to feel struggle and uncertainty, you are not alone. Determining your value for yourself not only holds yourself accountable, but it holds others accountable. It ensures that your boss does not use demeaning words because you feel confident enough in yourself to have a professional conversation with them stating how that is not appropriate in the workplace. It ensures that when someone continually tries to cut you down after a meeting like this, you will not blame yourself, and you will have the confidence to find a job or situation that will not allow that. It also ensures that those around see how you value yourself and treat you with that same dignity. I know this is all easier said than done, but you alone are your best advocate. If you do one small thing to help yourself see your value every single day, and keep building upon that, it will create a change in how you see yourself. I have an app on my phone where every night I write one thing I am grateful for and an affirmation for myself. It takes less than five minutes and I’ve already started to notice a change. I no longer apologize for things that don’t merit it, I have a good attitude when I wake up for work, and embrace one good thing that happened each day. As women, comparison to others and our fear of not being what we deem “worthy” can easily creep up on us. But I hope you know that you are not alone and not everything is as it seems on Facebook. Your family, friends, and coworkers are not without struggle, do not feel alone. I challenge you to share your struggles, as well as your triumphs because there is power in truth and power in the value you put within yourself. When you sell yourself to others, remember your value, and never put yourself "on sale".
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AuthorThis is a blog to share many stories, laughs, adventures and lessons learned by yours truly, Haley Potter. Archives
July 2023
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